Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Negativity Fast

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I haven't updated in a while about my journey on this crazy fast... wow it's been a crazy couple of months.  The first month was food and wow was that life changing and altering... we are sooo blessed and how quickly we forget the amazing blessings of the simple things in life.
The second month was clothes and this was an interesting month, (sitting in my bathing suit while waiting for my 7 items to get out of the washer and dryer always makes for an interesting day.  Not a HUGE challenge more of an inconvenience.  It's amazing at how many clothes that we have and how we can actually live on sooo much less.
The 3rd month I had a hard time with and really felt the Lord leading me to deviate slightly from the 7 book and found that the Lord was directing me to fast negativity... weird I know but I went with it and prayed on what this would look like.  I found that my "plan" was not at all what I thought it was going to be at all.  HAHA isn't that how God works... I found this month to be extremely difficult and kinda lonely since it was a 100% inward journey that I needed to walk through with the Lord.  See my family is very much Chicken Little... the sky is falling and everything is the end of the world so I think growing up I wanted to change that and I became very optimistic and try to see the best in people.  BUT those little sky is falling and seeing the worst in people crept in.  The Lord drew me in the beginning to just focus on uplifting scripture and if I was negative I would have to apologize and write out things on what I loved about that thing or person to offset those negative feelings... to be honest I didn't apologize and write down things as much as I hoped for or anticipated because I would be very consumed internally on my motives and feelings of what was drawing me to have that negative emotion.  WHAT???  Talk about a serious huge wakeup call.  I am a gross person in my head and thoughts... So sad.  You shouldn't even be my friend!!  So then the Lord brought in this sweet book called Becoming Myself by Stasi Eldridge.  While reading this it took my whole life and put it in complete perspective on my emotions and why I do and feel the way I do.  I cried a lot... I know no surprise!!  One night I was in so much emotional pain I was in the fetal position crying to my wonderful husband sobbing saying it hurts so much.  It brings tears to my eyes remembering that moment.  But just like in the Psalms their is always the uplifting part that cries back to the Lord.  Lord I always said break my heart and make me whole and complete... I got what I asked for and as much as it hurt I never felt abandoned by the Lord.  He has been oh so sweet and gentle this whole process.  It has made me fall so much deeper in love with him.  So this last month has been painful but oh so sweet.  So now what??  Well I am back to being negative and it feels great!!!  Just kidding but yes I have had my moments but now I preface it with "I am going to be negative for a moment..." haha as if that makes any difference or that brings the Lords heart delight.  How did Jesus do it... when he got irritated he didn't sin or talk about the situation like a brat he spoke truth... Lord we still have so much work to do!! Well the negativity fast doesn't end this will be a new part of my life until the Lord and I deal completely with my heart issues.
Starting on October first I am on a journey to bring light wherever I go, the kids and I are getting tons of blank cards and our family is going on a big encouragement month (what a better journey to go from a spirit of darkness of negativity to leading with light first in everything we do, I see your hand in all that I am doing Lord).  October will be filled with encouragement, Random Acts of Kindness and giving away of things (who needs all this "stuff" anyways).  So please be praying for me, one of my other goals is to blog more... the Lord pours out His sweet revelation and I know he's drawing me to write more... so here we go!!!

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